you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
Someone just pulled taco bell tacos out of their purse in class....2 problems with here. 1) this class is nutrition 2) taco bell is not open this early.
i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
I just had a visual of u banging and screaming at him at the same time.
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
Randomize
