All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
Randomize
