As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
Randomize
