guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
Randomize