she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
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