Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
Forget abc fam drinking games. Take a shot everytime Tyra says I and you'll be dead by the first commercial
Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
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