If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
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