bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
I can tuck mytits in my pants
when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
every single one of us blacked out. we woke up the next morning and it was like the night never happened. IT'S STILL A MYSTERY
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
I'm just concerned as to why his penis is two different colors.
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
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