Where is the hickey?
I cockslap morals
So I think we're almost at the age where we should start calling boys men. Now what age do they start living up to the new title?
Most never. Some around 65.
What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
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