Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
his logic is that since hes already cheated on her w me its doesnt count
we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
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