Megan Fox is the only woman I would let pee on me.
I'm similar. She's the only woman I'd ask to pee on me.
Ok yeah you're right. I'd ASK Megan Fox to pee on me. I'd ALLOW Erin Andrews to pee on me if she asked.
Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
operation have a gay friend backfired
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
Randomize