Ha i know. My vag can't go too crazy for a boy halfway across the country. It doesn't have that good of range
i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
Randomize
