I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
Randomize
