I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
Randomize
