How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
Randomize
