I hate u. Im listening to lady gaga and all i can hear is boca base om om om ommmm
How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
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Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
Atlanta road trip update. Jimmy fell into the petting tank at the aquarium. And freaked out. With cops now... Keep you posted
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We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
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