Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
She's dressed as Musafa. How could this not be a good idea?
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
This is the high leading the old right now
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
My apartment stinks of burning failure
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