Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
And today, on Faces I'd Like to Sit On .... The starting line up of the German National Football team