In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
He told me he had an exgf. and didnt follow up with"and now i like guys."
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
Guy Shares All The ‘New Discoveries’ He’s Made Since Moving In With His Girlfriend And It’s Hilariously Relatable
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
Guy Accidentally Starts A Group Chat With All The Girls He’s Talking To And Gets Absolutely Roasted
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes