Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
so would me posting the photos of the cock and coin jar incident be completely out of the question?
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
That boy needs some memories to take back home with him
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
Randomize
