it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
You should really look at your snapstory. It has us screaming " MANSION DICK! SUCK IT! FUCK IT!" By the way im currently in a mansion and need you to pick me up
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
Randomize
