I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
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