Taylor Swift is so right about you.
I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
well the blowjob for study guide exchange was a success.
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
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