I should be sponsored by Trojan
I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
Randomize
