You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
She was topless, yelling this is Sparta, threatening to push her dad into the sewer. I am pretty sure she won't be at school.
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
Randomize
