You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
Randomize
