My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
Randomize
