Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
Randomize
