I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
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