One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
Randomize
