i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
Randomize
