I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
he said didn't have much sexual experience and then proceeded to tell me he is going to make me cum harder than my vibrator could
well, that escalated quicky
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
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