Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
get over here now. the boys are doing shots of everclear, chasing with monster, and some dude jsut walked in with a backpack full of tattoo gear.
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
A BJ like that needs to be recommended.
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
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