i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
Randomize
