So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
Randomize
