I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
I was less embarrassed asking him to torrent the teen mom's porn. I'm not gonna ask him to about season 4 of PLL.
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
Randomize
