omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
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