If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
Randomize
