even my farts smell like vagina
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
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