she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
that's an acceptable place to lick
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
Its against the rules to not make you aware of his virgin situation prior to penetration
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
Randomize
