His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
3pm strippers are depressing
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
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