just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
we f'd six times
f'd?
its sunday, i cant say fucked
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
Randomize
