i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
I gave him a bj as a thank you for helping. I think that's good.
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
Randomize
