girl in front of me in lecture is looking up on ask.com about chlamydia.
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
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