Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
I haven't gotten it in awhile but since spring break is next week I'm willing to have a pregnancy scare if it means no bleeding through the suit
Yeah wouldn't want it to interfere with beach sex. Nothing should interfere with beach sex
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just got carded by a ten year old.
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
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