Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize
