I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
Randomize
