Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
Randomize
