dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
He is an equal opportunity slut.
No, you can still breathe under the balls.
I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
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