i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
Randomize
