Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
Randomize
