This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
Randomize
