I think it's just because she's got "I'll sleep with anyone with a decent car" written all over her face.
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
I think I have vodka in my lungs
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
Randomize
