how hairy? two words: wookie tits
I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
My breath smells like gin and sadness
Randomize
