I thought she had more class and brains than to date a complete numb-nut, drug addict, fuck up like him. People never cease to amaze me
Lonely and bored. Am I allowed to play Dance Dance Revolution by myself?
What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
i dont know the whole gay terminator look is really hot on him
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
Randomize
