I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
Randomize
