I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
she's traveling up the coast with her camera and a stash of pot cookies eating food from different campuses. said she slept in a closet 2 states away last nite... of course I'm interested
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
I need to align my fucking chakras
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
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