Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize