when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
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Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
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Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
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