did you know that the clit is basically just a tiny penis? Ya.. So just think about that next time you're down there.
Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
Randomize
