I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box.
The family next to you was not pleased
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
did you make it home?
i'm in a room and it looks like mine :)
hahah close nuff if it isnt
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
Randomize
