morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
Dude that's beautiful. I've never heard of someone smoking with their bunny.
I feel like I have a connection with him. A marijuana-induced-spiritual connection.
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
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